I can't believe one year has come and gone. I have learned so much this year. About life and about myself. My emotions have been up and been way down.
I have learned that I have the most awesome friends in the world!! They have been there for me in thick and thin. In the happy times and in the sad.
I have done alot of things and traveled to alot of places and I have learned that you cant run away from problems or grief. Its always there to meet you when you get home. It is easier to face it and get it over with. I have learned that I can do things on my own. Things that I never thought I could do. I have learned to ask for help when I need it too. I know Randy would be proud of me for all the things that I have learned to do myself. I was thinking this when I mowed the grass the other night with the BIG lawn mower he would never let me use because he said"I couldn't handle it". Yea, I might not be the nerd he was with the finances but I haven't forgot to pay any bills. I have kept the budget for the most part too.
The kids and I miss you so much Randy.I miss our talks and the way we worked together. I wish you were here to pay the bills and romp with the boys and take the girls out for their birthday breakfast. I know you are in a better place and we will see you again some day. For now we are making it and moving forward. Doing what we think would make you happy.
I found this poem and I leave you with it.......

Those of us who have traveled a while
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile
The first mile of no relief.

It wasn't the person with answers
Who told us the ways to deal
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.

Think of the friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.

We need to always remember
That more than the words we speak
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

9 months

One of our very good friends took his little boy with him to visit Randy the other day. As soon as he sat him down he reached up and touched Randy's face.Randy never got to meet the little guy. He would have loved him I know! This picture is precious to me.
9 months of missing,loving,longing,asking why,wishing,asking what if,

crying, running, wondering.

Even with all that we have good days. Somedays it is hard to see the sun but I know its there I just have to find it. I love the words to this song.....

Last night I had a crazy dream

A wish was granted just for me. It could be for anything

I didn't ask for money

Or a mansion in Malibu

I simply wished, for one more day with you

One more day One more time

One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied

But then again I know what it would do

Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl

Then I'd unplug the telephone And keep the TV off

I'd hold you every second. Say a million I love you's

That's what I'd do, with one more day with you

One more day One more time

One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied

But then again I know what it would do

Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

So real...So Final

Today I got a phone call and my heart sunk. Its one of those things I wanted but when it came right down to it I didn't. The stone had been delivered. After almost 9 months its was finally here. I couldn't stop crying. It just makes it so real. He is really there now. I didn't want to leave him. Standing there alone I just wanted someone to hang on to.

I took Konnor on the way to his swim lessons. He just stood there and looked at it. It all seems so unfair!

It is beautiful. I know he would love it!!!

some picture updates

Kaitlyn took this picture of my niece Madison and Randy's Grandma. I think it is precious!!

My cousin came to visit last weekend and brought his girls. Megan and Alexis got along so good. Yes Megan is on her knees. Alexis is so small I couldn't get the picture right with Meg standing up.LOL
The 3 dirty faced amigos. My cousin's other little girl Kember. Her and Konnor were best buds. The played together so good. I love this little girl.

I went to FL two weekends ago. I needed some away time. This day was a perfect beach day.

About a month ago when we got all the snow we went sled riding with friends. I loved this picture that our fried took of Konnor.

Yes, I know that I don't have any pictures of Katie but she is boycotting the camera right now. I think it is a 13yr old thing. I will post some pictures of my San Diego trip soon.

6 months...........

I love you Randy and I miss you so much! I cant belive it has been 6 months since I last heard your voice or felt your touch. With hope I will see you again. I hope it is soon!!!!