tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1406607612781549262024-02-06T18:11:20.802-08:00The Loper HouseHeather,Kaitlyn,Megan,
Konnor and KadeHeatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.comBlogger282125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-79956740862873330252011-02-21T10:38:00.000-08:002011-02-21T10:45:33.754-08:00I am sitting down to my writing place again. Does anyone blog anymore? Not that it matters. I have been asked to write again and talk about my life now and how I got to where I am. I think about it and wonder where to start. You know who you are so know that I am at least thinking about it. 8o)<br /> It is weird how it feels like I have two lives now. One, with Randy and two, my life now. I live in both all the time. Didn't I say weird? I love my family and friends and without them where would I be. A very scary thought indeed.Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-11426387449611988462010-07-16T16:21:00.000-07:002010-07-16T16:46:52.900-07:00I can't believe one year has come and gone. I have learned so much this year. About life and about myself. My emotions have been up and been way down. <br />I have learned that I have the most awesome friends in the world!! They have been there for me in thick and thin. In the happy times and in the sad.<br />I have done alot of things and traveled to alot of places and I have learned that you cant run away from problems or grief. Its always there to meet you when you get home. It is easier to face it and get it over with. I have learned that I can do things on my own. Things that I never thought I could do. I have learned to ask for help when I need it too. I know Randy would be proud of me for all the things that I have learned to do myself. I was thinking this when I mowed the grass the other night with the BIG lawn mower he would never let me use because he said"I couldn't handle it". Yea, I might not be the nerd he was with the finances but I haven't forgot to pay any bills. I have kept the budget for the most part too.<br /> The kids and I miss you so much Randy.I miss our talks and the way we worked together. I wish you were here to pay the bills and romp with the boys and take the girls out for their birthday breakfast. I know you are in a better place and we will see you again some day. For now we are making it and moving forward. Doing what we think would make you happy.<br /> I found this poem and I leave you with it.......<br /><br />Those of us who have traveled a while<br />Along this path called grief<br />Need to stop and remember that mile<br />The first mile of no relief.<br /><br />It wasn't the person with answers<br />Who told us the ways to deal<br />It wasn't the one who talked and talked<br />That helped us start to heal.<br /><br />Think of the friends who quietly sat<br />And held our hands in theirs<br />The ones who let us talk and talk<br />And hugged away our tears.<br /><br />We need to always remember<br />That more than the words we speak<br />It's the gift of someone who listens<br />That most of us desperately seek.Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-31948257226410095222010-04-12T20:31:00.000-07:002010-04-12T21:15:57.375-07:009 months<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyYZtwDVyBuCJiLuEV1tk6rXarPkpHzeOi2sgpDgTWmjh7YofkfQSpFyE5CJiShzTXDRRrNFBaGCdf1TsLxMroCFuhCU9s0lUDHMfKLCdRRxhemb1f1AiqxfFHr8GJgcvIlTXuoqbtS1o/s1600/New+Imagecarson.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 300px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459460343944380146" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyYZtwDVyBuCJiLuEV1tk6rXarPkpHzeOi2sgpDgTWmjh7YofkfQSpFyE5CJiShzTXDRRrNFBaGCdf1TsLxMroCFuhCU9s0lUDHMfKLCdRRxhemb1f1AiqxfFHr8GJgcvIlTXuoqbtS1o/s400/New+Imagecarson.jpg" /></a> One of our very good friends took his little boy with him to visit Randy the other day. As soon as he sat him down he reached up and touched Randy's face.Randy never got to meet the little guy. He would have loved him I know! This picture is precious to me.<br />9 months of missing,loving,longing,asking why,wishing,asking what if,<br /><div>crying, running, wondering.</div><div> Even with all that we have good days. Somedays it is hard to see the sun but I know its there I just have to find it. I love the words to this song.....</div><div> </div><div><br /><br />Last night I had a crazy dream</div><div>A wish was granted just for me. It could be for anything</div><div>I didn't ask for money </div><div>Or a mansion in Malibu</div><div>I simply wished, for one more day with you</div><div> </div><div>One more day One more time</div><div>One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied</div><div>But then again I know what it would do</div><div>Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you</div><div> </div><div>First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl</div><div>Then I'd unplug the telephone And keep the TV off</div><div>I'd hold you every second. Say a million I love you's</div><div>That's what I'd do, with one more day with you</div><div> </div><div>One more day One more time</div><div>One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied</div><div>But then again I know what it would do</div><div>Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you</div><div> </div>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-91543224120144651702010-03-29T21:09:00.000-07:002010-03-29T21:21:43.645-07:00So real...So Final<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiucxYb8hcY_MzOZl0V9cd1Q4TJnA8UY-S-ugV3ePsI6Iz5CzidAQ8hFpdu2ZMvptRJgANqFZCgDIPj0-ugVALFMylBnSDvLAfEsZ_394xJYmVop9r7i2jM2n2YJQ3dcK3ZNQT3w7DVwrg/s1600/103_4848picnikfront.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 300px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5454274986820061458" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiucxYb8hcY_MzOZl0V9cd1Q4TJnA8UY-S-ugV3ePsI6Iz5CzidAQ8hFpdu2ZMvptRJgANqFZCgDIPj0-ugVALFMylBnSDvLAfEsZ_394xJYmVop9r7i2jM2n2YJQ3dcK3ZNQT3w7DVwrg/s400/103_4848picnikfront.jpg" /></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9udRSeF3yeGLCMd5HD0kZq6Bf4xCNGMKMouOaj-VhasJvN2_Y2LoK-C7yPR0SqoBVocNdoCPbcPNQRr9O2MNwbow9IbC9JnandqDehd557uaROrEUVKqW9-ikyICvR7Gt7NESVdpESto/s1600/103_4850picnikback.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 326px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5454274976180158226" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9udRSeF3yeGLCMd5HD0kZq6Bf4xCNGMKMouOaj-VhasJvN2_Y2LoK-C7yPR0SqoBVocNdoCPbcPNQRr9O2MNwbow9IbC9JnandqDehd557uaROrEUVKqW9-ikyICvR7Gt7NESVdpESto/s400/103_4850picnikback.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLfBW4BsHIZn_9zmhS6hpTILJaSknXqo_B32Q_G9WNTXDa8mDlc8vkZLS-ZRly9DtYXOh5Z8zZeetfFDS9OCHWtiQexDxUuR1iGbPoBXZdEja9drKiGdMgorqJIlAO70-s32eGesiY1mo/s1600/103_4853picnikkonnor.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 300px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5454274966148786306" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLfBW4BsHIZn_9zmhS6hpTILJaSknXqo_B32Q_G9WNTXDa8mDlc8vkZLS-ZRly9DtYXOh5Z8zZeetfFDS9OCHWtiQexDxUuR1iGbPoBXZdEja9drKiGdMgorqJIlAO70-s32eGesiY1mo/s400/103_4853picnikkonnor.jpg" /></a><br /><br />Today I got a phone call and my heart sunk. Its one of those things I wanted but when it came right down to it I didn't. The stone had been delivered. After almost 9 months its was finally here. I couldn't stop crying. It just makes it so real. He is really there now. I didn't want to leave him. Standing there alone I just wanted someone to hang on to. </div><div> I took Konnor on the way to his swim lessons. He just stood there and looked at it. It all seems so unfair!</div><div> It is beautiful. I know he would love it!!!<br /></div><div></div></div>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-44386625163359781302010-03-15T22:45:00.000-07:002010-03-15T23:03:01.143-07:00some picture updatesKaitlyn took this picture of my niece Madison and Randy's Grandma. I think it is precious!!<br /><div> <img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5449105130225721906" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFHp-OCxpAdJHRJpHOmgVBktamsiweVWdzX_MgrU6HqL4jYFW7dD4SNc11Tw8I5eme6-3NeRq3I-Ov8MpjGcOkQcUmSZRsN_OGVeKkkGtSrKI-y7Gav678qp23wZmH6lhR886C5XQFG_w/s320/106_4740picnik.jpg" />My cousin came to visit last weekend and brought his girls. Megan and Alexis got along so good. Yes Megan is on her knees. Alexis is so small I couldn't get the picture right with Meg standing up.LOL<br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5449105120232652962" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe9P5bb1f2W9ydRWtNNNnUiINRQpJB3e4rN56jaOhQhX0yeyDC5KgYyVQJOlMG91ak547Q_sstWI3eIru9ZquZwl5ToCy-Pjl5373kUjXq0oE2pAsj7xkYQAmTXYbPCiVozKUaf-1ub6g/s320/103_4785.jpg" />The 3 dirty faced amigos. My cousin's other little girl Kember. Her and Konnor were best buds. The played together so good. I love this little girl.<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEietzwFD7jrRlXHPCBpDNZdARTmTOKU0_mGYwPgiY5E2lkkYEXmmhEv1KXicrsB76yCIjinr_NMgoRqMAkA-In0qNYKXF1xkyilhUpb2zC8aMi-tAAh3rOJQbU05jGFit6blDKxVhMNIqE/s1600-h/103_4792picik.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 236px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5449105107233351794" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEietzwFD7jrRlXHPCBpDNZdARTmTOKU0_mGYwPgiY5E2lkkYEXmmhEv1KXicrsB76yCIjinr_NMgoRqMAkA-In0qNYKXF1xkyilhUpb2zC8aMi-tAAh3rOJQbU05jGFit6blDKxVhMNIqE/s320/103_4792picik.jpg" /></a> I went to FL two weekends ago. I needed some away time. This day was a perfect beach day.<br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 242px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5449105105134229826" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifSQGiiTGBicAjvIsjB-0U0pNVsHPptDbuN_ldSc2E39te6vdUjDz5Zx-njZt_eKJRJ3eK7bpa-Kc3g1QMVUgxOAmfoil8G4kUuuqQISZWIxPQ84EarR4STbsfugLchRJN0WQPTv1ivZQ/s320/103_4781picnik.jpg" /><br />About a month ago when we got all the snow we went sled riding with friends. I loved this picture that our fried took of Konnor.<br /><div> <img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 214px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5449105094054974146" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEoBvxpjEImfwKyi7A_bmT37UkZGfbUm0f8UaJOVWpOTgve3s1YVAk78-1sK5FQuqbrtW5_OkJaAqozg2s2vAGo94lhTWsEHZfdQSF1ZIuNXUR3vpDuGRN2tNe6o2PKdtG61wfxSgOp2s/s320/793122271_DeUwM-L.jpg" /><br /><br /><br />Yes, I know that I don't have any pictures of Katie but she is boycotting the camera right now. I think it is a 13yr old thing. I will post some pictures of my San Diego trip soon.<br /><div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div></div></div></div></div>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-89208365303609193082010-01-10T18:08:00.000-08:002010-01-10T18:17:51.246-08:006 months...........<object width="640" height="505"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/pcYRr1dk7wA&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/pcYRr1dk7wA&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="505"></embed></object>I love you Randy and I miss you so much! I cant belive it has been 6 months since I last heard your voice or felt your touch. With hope I will see you again. I hope it is soon!!!!Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-46875571422195400632009-12-14T10:35:00.000-08:002009-12-14T11:16:07.543-08:00Key West,FL<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjKqhC51sbLjafhVW6S0QJ8nob1DUoyWBVXEsNPmYY7rp7DgoV40TTmMg8zHYpHCVpqlfH1N8Acyk4JMYnpqzrMnFSM_RjYKM44LdiMynTZnGXZXQ9srapUdWb9h6WOxwfl_zuKs24sHI/s1600-h/106_3980.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415168945894629730" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjKqhC51sbLjafhVW6S0QJ8nob1DUoyWBVXEsNPmYY7rp7DgoV40TTmMg8zHYpHCVpqlfH1N8Acyk4JMYnpqzrMnFSM_RjYKM44LdiMynTZnGXZXQ9srapUdWb9h6WOxwfl_zuKs24sHI/s320/106_3980.jpg" /></a> At the southern most point in The USA. Yes, I know my eyes are closed but there was a huge line of people behind me and when you have the person in line behind you take the picture you cant inspect it and ask them to take another one. 8o)<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2bscY2fS6Haaiw_yvZG7IbgqxM9VBjylTSz8C51R_GvU5G4S7m-azPjGDZ2HBDbZu0K2sKlHxZiI3WjJY7rJweQ6BtR_AV8GEu98Div06fdnrt6X59EOgevxPpLIYNTGnkmhK8BMiWsA/s1600-h/106_3984.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415168937126165682" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2bscY2fS6Haaiw_yvZG7IbgqxM9VBjylTSz8C51R_GvU5G4S7m-azPjGDZ2HBDbZu0K2sKlHxZiI3WjJY7rJweQ6BtR_AV8GEu98Div06fdnrt6X59EOgevxPpLIYNTGnkmhK8BMiWsA/s320/106_3984.jpg" /></a> The B&B where we stayed<br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC7yxxJ6GpKEnR2MEdLY35u20z5U9Pxw-N0oYUdOCHxiLWREo7jHGQgPVd5FTRgyGyhUVagSGlyry88OWMpjEYpoOLEdVSYvGexPr_5DMY9IJ4LvY5sUyYKzN4aOv5vpy2zHsZLSNS-Bo/s1600-h/106_3985.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415168932527562434" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC7yxxJ6GpKEnR2MEdLY35u20z5U9Pxw-N0oYUdOCHxiLWREo7jHGQgPVd5FTRgyGyhUVagSGlyry88OWMpjEYpoOLEdVSYvGexPr_5DMY9IJ4LvY5sUyYKzN4aOv5vpy2zHsZLSNS-Bo/s320/106_3985.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTxSWaWUDi5bSJc0VxR7dBlu8vPQ7Gx89TjIhoM6_eG2cZStrKRB8L6-TyweNrXfGhvEmQlzTkHc7-RTzrrF_9UiCXCyM7lSSBYoWcuE5FIckxDBAbBy6dXIqmlIrVgv5KPeYAqWMDk8s/s1600-h/106_4005.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415168015579986466" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTxSWaWUDi5bSJc0VxR7dBlu8vPQ7Gx89TjIhoM6_eG2cZStrKRB8L6-TyweNrXfGhvEmQlzTkHc7-RTzrrF_9UiCXCyM7lSSBYoWcuE5FIckxDBAbBy6dXIqmlIrVgv5KPeYAqWMDk8s/s320/106_4005.jpg" /></a> our room<br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415168004806384210" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE_MiqTXQOSB8KxAUtG8FweXSCQQdSGvIOQQ6wWjmu7-xbkzbjOXAcnsEcvOeGzzz3vF48MQUFIWzeyHrNhFm7SqSOaEhbtxSq28_sOqQItKjGNitYhnGcVaEMr6iK0YE_VMhpDjG1V-4/s320/106_4006.jpg" /><br /><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415167999233482770" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnBnKB4ujEWoE_u8Me_4oML4o4FbP2YQoF5MAXYwvlrbmYttobPtAn-G3rB9-7fl9Fk59oeDqgW2rMBS5i-WzE76hrpjh_Musvok2kLHb4j4OWiArV7739WFySrEXg6SzX12rc-KOegus/s320/106_3995.jpg" /> I love Pelicans and this guy just stood there and posed.<br /><div> <img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415167992364780162" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw1xDjB07KxhTqcblwx8Y7pBv4fTT_a7VsflUSHH5vQD50DJpxnsYBcBvPOK_AH3v9WK0mBU2lpPPpcLUd2LKwuoOMJRZCgpldpy7p59oTc3frBg0SxlTTD8Z3WQ-E4fj1KvjglpPrK4w/s320/106_4003.jpg" /> My shrimp and bacon club sandwich that I had at an open air restaurant on Duval St. in downtown Key west. It was yummy<br /><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415167990349381090" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiroGD9ozkOmYrJwWPKqK1Nq4EjCZFHAxgE07_eiE6D5itmCR4cUArkdSFEb4MlQSQhgdkWNG59wVtyfDxxsZ6LprgW7jIb7cgOUpZILBgKJ9K05EoxvFuV4Muft-Rs_xZvm_H3uHPIBxI/s320/106_4004.jpg" /> The best Key Lime pie in the world is from the Blond Giraffe Key Lime Pie factory. Mmmmmmm good!!!!<br /><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415167004027137218" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoLCnQvLXbA6-kBErKWZLgPgVDyG-NdIs9xz6swMFcpup_XrItVcB4N1nM1iJAj4qO2SEWUC__WsG4K37pqGWEEZjb7JAuvYT2kxFXUdLmZcY6yGXabE3UtA7OH3ptYQOtV3H4nQfk0lg/s320/106_4034.jpg" /> The beautiful Sunset<br /><div> <img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415167001635590802" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLyTo_1FANYx5LNBLQkPl-xbaVjoaUxZtUFb6vVzYFgl05ZS94yGVp4nvEOHugO7yWhI2QbYu9-wfyenDDs-wfKHBkui8jtyjtPsGqKl0ytV5CshkTRTqjHUrNXNXRWNZNWIeJ3YNflYs/s320/106_4039.jpg" /><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415166996927583282" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkrSKvGxyI_Tq1TkrWUV0Pg_gS567sKKtkiTT0Q3aZN97w7OagiYhxJlDwwLU1SCym-4j_-92wdrvfHuHXXpdkecb5mayvOx0hVuN6NW-vK-V3pnGaJjsEAhpi_GJl6hCD1dMjDuLyTig/s320/106_4065.jpg" /> The view from our room door. The bright light is the sun shining on the water of South Beach.<br /><br /><br /><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415166994478686594" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGlEdN6mH2VSgm4fb7QIdZVFEmmJmKL-ZVAQ65L5gTZ-zsZqB9E-vy1WRpWIoS7k5LtKfoJ2pdaUcTxn7q3S4N21ho74Ri8NuZrf7PdarvLVGHA-ej8Whhg5Xh8l68c1_r3r93XiWhgiI/s320/106_4074.jpg" /><br /><div> <img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415166985112558306" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYidh0-mOveZYbpGh2UE7au7sEcKgl170pQHSCOUbpYUe5GqJKDlclgZ-dbnkEFAI7GlhNKr6E2HslqmdW1zYpt0lZxP7T20PpO9g_qPN0318RbyYd9aAoZ-oRvX87s2KJhidBNQX_1bk/s320/106_4078.jpg" /> The seven mile bridge that you cross going through the Keys. The water was so clear that day. Very pretty. You can enlarge it to see how long the bridge was. I couldn't get it all in the picture even.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-61078136716025280722009-12-14T10:12:00.000-08:002009-12-14T10:34:30.469-08:00Thanksgiving Day<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT6vLGRFnY8VELvCxEPqYV-oRYxEcmFvAoHmmAp3dM_lVJB4_gbT_gsJnjz0FNyxti1CgXW8hZ1AoKORf7uMBMgKy7f2taQwL2PmyF2g_l3HgXcbjLwCEJlIxg_EGFairuthQhibnV2l0/s1600-h/106_3968.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415159159812280258" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT6vLGRFnY8VELvCxEPqYV-oRYxEcmFvAoHmmAp3dM_lVJB4_gbT_gsJnjz0FNyxti1CgXW8hZ1AoKORf7uMBMgKy7f2taQwL2PmyF2g_l3HgXcbjLwCEJlIxg_EGFairuthQhibnV2l0/s320/106_3968.jpg" /></a> Chad doing turkey duty!<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglV35Vyd_lBo5uFVE9KXy_shXgVwiXbRlsZ3e4EeqZGDlwqUPwQSJCWetLrTSJxDFPXy_jkBNsymo_9604ajFl1u6uqoi7f31QlmJ1OHhxz9pkmOC7wl3VqLtZp3veq5UJzIcQihyphenhyphenp4UA/s1600-h/106_3970.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415159151270174274" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglV35Vyd_lBo5uFVE9KXy_shXgVwiXbRlsZ3e4EeqZGDlwqUPwQSJCWetLrTSJxDFPXy_jkBNsymo_9604ajFl1u6uqoi7f31QlmJ1OHhxz9pkmOC7wl3VqLtZp3veq5UJzIcQihyphenhyphenp4UA/s320/106_3970.jpg" /></a> The Kid table<br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht4L7iuQuuoghskn3oi0yHDV6mA6PKJzOXThIeyRKOUM56vWEqOiis4B4xgKAlA1duEiLqLlStbHYQ6794Fo2VxseT88QhwMzvAqiBYBljubr3dlFXjWvpT2GpM0dlEFhxfGJtyc0oC74/s1600-h/106_3971.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415159140066947458" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht4L7iuQuuoghskn3oi0yHDV6mA6PKJzOXThIeyRKOUM56vWEqOiis4B4xgKAlA1duEiLqLlStbHYQ6794Fo2VxseT88QhwMzvAqiBYBljubr3dlFXjWvpT2GpM0dlEFhxfGJtyc0oC74/s320/106_3971.jpg" /></a> The adult table<br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8kbXBK9bgJY7L48ktq5x-E7qgJfcMSQS7dmmITxm_WTViB1k22lebRt9if6tlfeh8zI6S8KY70CXjK0KGJbHXqN2pyF2kTvOcSe_CSqpDPOja8gZqL_PARZuDigeQXmqCLC3ruFr1doA/s1600-h/106_3974.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415159137114247378" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8kbXBK9bgJY7L48ktq5x-E7qgJfcMSQS7dmmITxm_WTViB1k22lebRt9if6tlfeh8zI6S8KY70CXjK0KGJbHXqN2pyF2kTvOcSe_CSqpDPOja8gZqL_PARZuDigeQXmqCLC3ruFr1doA/s320/106_3974.jpg" /></a> Three cousin buddies<br /> <br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN-lMHYw2FkVTI2ednPX6nJY3LO26bOb3cdRUrr6dkKpDwR8P6a6XEKi8AVxECaMQxhvxVR-vTs65tzcsN5uWoWYhUvvc7fNF0cDjLSDQF6AuWBZiBzy7wjb_DRdkPBJPk5EXQKk1_Gcc/s1600-h/106_3969.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415159133284657890" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN-lMHYw2FkVTI2ednPX6nJY3LO26bOb3cdRUrr6dkKpDwR8P6a6XEKi8AVxECaMQxhvxVR-vTs65tzcsN5uWoWYhUvvc7fNF0cDjLSDQF6AuWBZiBzy7wjb_DRdkPBJPk5EXQKk1_Gcc/s320/106_3969.jpg" /></a> My yummy cake that I made. LOL it fell apart so it is held together with Popsicle sticks. The poor thing got made fun of so much. Then Chad dropped a cup in the middle of it. I had to take it home with me since the turkey was taking up all the room in Bek's fridge. On the way home I stopped at a red light and my camera flew off the seat and landed in the middle of it. It tasted good though when we did end up eating it.Despite all the rude comments it got! LOL<br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div></div></div></div></div>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-14544866988641302952009-12-13T20:46:00.000-08:002009-12-13T21:43:17.290-08:00I know I haven't said much as of late about Randy and how I am doing. Reason being is I have been pushing it away. If I don't think about it I don't hurt as bad. Tears are falling right now. This week has been hard. Different things, different conversations, made me think. I miss him so much. I feel so alone at times like this. The kids are all in bed and no one to talk to or cry to. so I sit and write. it helps me to write how I am feeling.. This week Konnor sat in the chair across from me and said" Mom, is daddy ever coming back? I said" No, baby he is not ever coming back" He said" I just miss him so much and I want him to play with me again." It just tears this mommy up inside. Then I got the proof for Randy's grave stone. I had been looking for it but to actually see it was another finality slap in the face. It is really real. This week I had a thought cross my mind to call him again. Will it ever go away? To sing in the Christmas program choir tonight without him was horrible. I cried on the way to church and got some of it out of me but to actually stand up there and not hear him behind me and when Pastor Hooker said something in his prayer about people we love spending their first Christmas in Heaven I lost it again. You can scroll down a couple of posts and hear Randy sing his solo in last years choir. I loved to hear him sing.<br />On our way to the kid's program practice Megan asked if we could go in the cemetery to see daddy. As I came up on the cemetery Kade started saying" daddy daddy!" He knows Randy is there but if you ask him where daddy is Kade will say" Church". Its amazing what a 2 year old will remember. If I let myself think of how much Randy loved his kids and him not being here with them I just can't stand it.<br />I know we all think of what it would be like if we weren't here. Maybe I am the only one who has done that. If only Randy knew what it is was like without him here.<br />I cant even get into the Holiday spirit. I try for the kids but its not the same. Randy and I always took a whole Saturday and did our Christmas shopping. It was fun and it was a time we could spend together having fun. Last year we finished up then went to Starbucks and tallied up the checkbook. We loved spending the day together. This year I am struggling to get any shopping done. Either I don't have the time or I don't feel like it.I just want it over with so I can mark one more "first" off my list. I know it sounds bad but its true.<br />I told a friend this week it makes you feel better to cry but after this week I am tired of crying.This week I have cried till I have headaches, cried at the dinner table while my kids looked at me funny, cried driving down the road, cared for 4 throwing up sick kids, drove 17 hours home from FL with 1 throwing up kid, cleaned 4 houses, went to 2 program practices,and a Sunday full of Christmas programs. This week is looking to be just as busy. Hopefully no sick kids though.<br />I wish I could just go hide away on a warm beach somewhere where I didn't know anyone and pretend life is a bed of roses. I would just sit there and wish Randy was with me so why bother.<br />As always I love my friends!!! They call me, text me, keep me awake when I have been driving for 17 hours,give me hugs, support me and cry with me. I love you guys so much!<br /> It is easy to sound like gloom and doom is my life when I am feeling down but it isn't always like that. I did have a good time in FL with my sisters. To get away and do something different for Thanksgiving was nice. I will try and post some pictures soon. Well it off to bed for me. Tomorrow starts another busy week.Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-61565345549231357682009-12-09T19:20:00.000-08:002009-12-09T19:21:32.477-08:00I love my sisters<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmSO75Vjk_Zi7ye8V09YN5qJh0UvJ_4LQcB7UBgXqZhfQqBzDUhXuqwHmWYmnzoR7qyYVAjyFMaYczUTT1TqfXfBFPD2h-4yoj3SFZ8fDJvATF2ryL-dY_Fa7l2HHbT3bNhuILOQ6tWEk/s1600-h/106_4231sisters.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 306px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413442311230093890" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmSO75Vjk_Zi7ye8V09YN5qJh0UvJ_4LQcB7UBgXqZhfQqBzDUhXuqwHmWYmnzoR7qyYVAjyFMaYczUTT1TqfXfBFPD2h-4yoj3SFZ8fDJvATF2ryL-dY_Fa7l2HHbT3bNhuILOQ6tWEk/s400/106_4231sisters.jpg" /></a><br /><div></div>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-38513614792376982712009-11-18T17:52:00.000-08:002009-11-18T18:03:50.923-08:00In the entry way above the door going into the dining room<br /><div> <img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5405627055170089362" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif156y6h9DlTh2bdlP1IGo-k3tS4U75NPW-QvafSlNlY3kEwcDEIFTlDA1t4V0WB7bwTF0JXEX1kFCs6aEK9xNVKaik2i6Qdw9XPGraF8s0tgeMQ9VZzL00YR52b7XwqScFeN60B7kDo8/s320/106_3857.jpg" /> In the half bath on the main floor<br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5405627051333731634" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWLDMWfTSj1hhIfF5pNbyIjC-_5lGwc_0uVyCd0JCXRRghasBVOsEwB5muTRpaI-DJk0Jbm2ZERC_MzDsE5DTCpdB37VWS1fSQSW9QgUUBfmANpF6TDNiUKIOARUyGUXap3olMxc1uxOs/s320/106_3856.jpg" />I finally got the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">expression</span> up that I got from Uppercase Living. The top one my wonderful friend Sarah H. gave me that she never put up. I love them! They add so much to my walls. Thanks to my friend Jessica H. for coming over to put them up for me. Now I want some more.LOL not for a while. I need to save my pennies. TTFN<br /><div></div></div>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-87850374132882251532009-11-12T22:34:00.000-08:002009-11-12T22:37:06.839-08:004 months<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRazqp38UZATzlhyphenhyphenEolPlKu2HHAg2Imk6sH5mKYdEIR0CEBFbu-T1EkkjG-lZNxxPWJ4Bbo_kJydpAz3tObxgBRKYsV71WYvVHgGmzK93vZMe3aufE2Xt4YIjVq4Hit_kmaBV0OArglMU/s1600-h/100_1071_091picnik.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 397px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403473166672198930" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRazqp38UZATzlhyphenhyphenEolPlKu2HHAg2Imk6sH5mKYdEIR0CEBFbu-T1EkkjG-lZNxxPWJ4Bbo_kJydpAz3tObxgBRKYsV71WYvVHgGmzK93vZMe3aufE2Xt4YIjVq4Hit_kmaBV0OArglMU/s400/100_1071_091picnik.jpg" /></a> I dropped a tear in the ocean. The day you find it is the day<br /> I will stop missing you. ~Author Unknown~<br /><div></div>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-3000208710763199462009-11-06T20:38:00.000-08:002009-11-06T21:23:53.561-08:00Just when you think you are doing good it hits you again. Grief is a weird thing. The pain is always there,so intense, but you go through your day like normal because you have to.I still clean up Kade's messes, do laundry,dishes, and cook. But at any given time or moment a big wave will hit you and down you go again. I cry at the drop of a hat and sometimes I want to cry and cant squeeze a tear out. Some days I feel I can do this other days I don't think I will make it another hour. The tasks are overwhelming and I look to the future and wonder how i will ever make it. The loneliness is to much to bear at times. I miss having Randy come home at the end of the day. Just knowing he was there would relieve the stress. Now I have no relief. I get angry but I don't know who to be angry at. I have to learn to take control of my life and learn to do things on my own. It is just one step of acceptance. It is so much easier said than done. I don't want to do it on my own but I have too.<br /> I am dreading the holidays. I am running away this Thanksgiving. I don't want to be at home. I have to go and do something different. I am stepping out of my comfort zone and driving to FL. I hate driving long distances. Especially with 4 kids but I no longer have a trucker driver husband, who loves to drive, to drive me places so I have to do it on my own. I can do it and I will!<br /> Slowly the fog is clearing and I am trying to get back into a routine of sorts. If there is such a thing. For those of you who know me,know I am a coupon queen.I love saving money at the store! This week I cut my first coupon since Randy died. It felt good. In 4 months I haven't had anything in me to want to do anything that was normal. I haven't started and finished one book.I want to but I cant keep my mind focused long enough to do it.Its weird how my mind wont let me do these things. In an instant of time my world changed. Nothing,Let me repeat, nothing is the same. nor will it ever be. and for a person who hates change that is something hard to swallow.<br /> I am so thankful for my friends. They get me through my darkest hours. From the texts, the phone calls, the invites,letting me cry on their shoulder, or going to the cemetery to just talk. I feel so needy sometimes and such a burden. I hope someday I can pay them back a tiny fraction of what they have given to me. You know who you are. Thanks!!<br /> I leave you with this...... Be thankful and live for today. You never know what tomorrow will bring or take away.Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-49642295370453064162009-10-25T22:41:00.000-07:002010-11-18T13:11:22.677-08:00I Miss<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVQXgdOnfiQ-mBTzYRbQp1SKGUrQ3lkckhYHPR1IrKqI0AkXXnW5lhkW6Vl9PL9AQvrg7ULnZ1X_VKKI0YSA0KSpn2rYDqk4PGq0TcE_JgSUgyc1y96JS-EWOCrB4JPnYgDML_w7YUgCQ/s1600-h/014_14.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396785673559258018" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVQXgdOnfiQ-mBTzYRbQp1SKGUrQ3lkckhYHPR1IrKqI0AkXXnW5lhkW6Vl9PL9AQvrg7ULnZ1X_VKKI0YSA0KSpn2rYDqk4PGq0TcE_JgSUgyc1y96JS-EWOCrB4JPnYgDML_w7YUgCQ/s320/014_14.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6SOhFTU7YSHB4LPamBFXnotHS8U1k1UgLcktKXktAxA8h5U_LanQeJYtK_P7fz5g91TCcHB2jzOeL6RtLPNSqcM5f27zxjlMhNX3LHvCiQ9g2_k0UweHRnjHUR-wJOkrwzzdAlRh8Sxo/s1600-h/100_2530.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396785670782570002" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6SOhFTU7YSHB4LPamBFXnotHS8U1k1UgLcktKXktAxA8h5U_LanQeJYtK_P7fz5g91TCcHB2jzOeL6RtLPNSqcM5f27zxjlMhNX3LHvCiQ9g2_k0UweHRnjHUR-wJOkrwzzdAlRh8Sxo/s320/100_2530.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgav-uadSbCw7qd7xTluGxZraONUB68nDQfqmNwSbXijgVMrK6juHhn6UlslMDvr3E9MoDcbBEBndfwL98kswrzYsk8G4x5vl7Mmqhih54wpPW4BVMU80oFmTwK1JAGlnfomOCgmMd9VBM/s1600-h/103_2236.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396785662100899074" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgav-uadSbCw7qd7xTluGxZraONUB68nDQfqmNwSbXijgVMrK6juHhn6UlslMDvr3E9MoDcbBEBndfwL98kswrzYsk8G4x5vl7Mmqhih54wpPW4BVMU80oFmTwK1JAGlnfomOCgmMd9VBM/s320/103_2236.jpg" /></a><br /><br />" <div></div></div></div>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-31052356190150906142009-10-23T23:31:00.000-07:002009-10-23T23:44:05.591-07:00Just for today I will try to live through the next 24 hours and not expect to get over my husband's death, but instead learn to live with it just one day at a time.<br />Just for today I will remember my husband's life, not his death, and bask in the comfort of all those treasured days and moments we shared.<br />Just for today I will forgive all the family and friends who didn't help or comfort me the way I needed them to. They truly did not know how.<br />Just for today I will smile no matter how much I hurt on the inside, for maybe if I smile a little, my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.<br />Just for today I will reach out to comfort a relative or friend of my husband, for they are hurting too, and perhaps we can comfort each other.<br />Just for today I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt, for deep in my heart I know if there was anything in this world I could have done to save my husband from death, I would have done it.<br />Just for today when my heart feels like breaking, I will stop and remember that grief is the price we pay for loving and the only reason I hurt is because I had the privilege of loving so much.<br />Just for today I will not compare myself with others. I am fortunate to be who I am and to have had my husband I had for as long as I did.<br />Just for today I will allow myself to be happy, for I know that I am not deserting him by living on.<br />Just for today I will accept that I did not die when my husband did, my life did go on, and I am the only one who can make that life worthwhile once more.<br /><br /><br />I found this today and it spoke to me. I have been at the bottom emotionally lately. Most days I feel as if I can't go on. Will it ever get better I ask myself? Some day it will I am told and I am looking forward to that day! I miss Randy so much!!!!!Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-71712714011880690342009-10-17T10:43:00.001-07:002009-10-17T10:52:31.186-07:00Another birthday<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge2MaUjr3JgyoNkUZa1n3m53BS8YyL_pLmNpiHhmsUpN3QEIb3zr5TuwvYV7xjhZ0eXj1WOhxVxJCY2H__Koep5X5vkiqk9bfxvDjSApm02CYh72QqFnmJwAvBoRJ_iM_CKUu02-hUa0g/s1600-h/100_6987Kaitlyn.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5393626361472489682" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge2MaUjr3JgyoNkUZa1n3m53BS8YyL_pLmNpiHhmsUpN3QEIb3zr5TuwvYV7xjhZ0eXj1WOhxVxJCY2H__Koep5X5vkiqk9bfxvDjSApm02CYh72QqFnmJwAvBoRJ_iM_CKUu02-hUa0g/s400/100_6987Kaitlyn.jpg" /></a> Another birthday to celebrate. I cant believe I have a teenager. It seems like only yesterday that Randy and I brought her home from the hospital. Where does the time go? Kaitlyn is so helpful to me. She does things without me even asking her. She is a good babysitter too.I am so proud of her. I don't know what I would do without her!You are a beautiful girl and I am so glad you love Jesus! Happy 13th birthday Katie Bug!! I love you!!!<br /><div></div>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-82410617795905524132009-10-12T05:44:00.000-07:002009-10-12T06:00:29.017-07:00Happy Birhday Konnor<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPyezjz2xyIf4WzuI4xsB7nAN2sjxcWTJQQB3NwOGY6svzSaB49YrOMIwVHS3RI8tuQoiuVgyrVlbr-mf0OeaJVFko16q9cQohSx3fW-Lian_f1pmvHVetlQwWXhMrzwxIysTcEB_HQNY/s1600-h/100_6974konnor.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5391693831101742754" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPyezjz2xyIf4WzuI4xsB7nAN2sjxcWTJQQB3NwOGY6svzSaB49YrOMIwVHS3RI8tuQoiuVgyrVlbr-mf0OeaJVFko16q9cQohSx3fW-Lian_f1pmvHVetlQwWXhMrzwxIysTcEB_HQNY/s400/100_6974konnor.jpg" /></a> I am a little slow but I wanted to post and tell everyone that my big boy is 5 now. It is so hard to believe. I remember the day we found out we were going to get our boy. Randy was so excited! He arrived weighing 8 lbs. 9 oz..He was so cute. Then we found out he was sick. He was born with pneumonia. So he had to stay in the NICU for a week to receive antibiotics. It was hard for this mommy to leave her baby but I was there everyday holding him for hours and hours. He did great and grown into a big boy today. Konnor is such a good and sweet boy. I love you Konnor so much!!!<br /><div></div>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-65521538916221094172009-10-05T11:36:00.000-07:002009-10-24T00:07:06.331-07:00<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEmnogtFbI2jDniOSP0ZQsPaKgqyojABR2-45mfbquQDUi9pCcMp_iOtPZRGF6jPKOVYDRGKez8IdawO46TKeiNm2B3R1oQJa83I-WxQfvveKTuuv7dwuMqxXDl66OofF5qB0dZhpZcIM/s1600-h/MaytagWasherDryer.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 281px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5389186617340332130" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEmnogtFbI2jDniOSP0ZQsPaKgqyojABR2-45mfbquQDUi9pCcMp_iOtPZRGF6jPKOVYDRGKez8IdawO46TKeiNm2B3R1oQJa83I-WxQfvveKTuuv7dwuMqxXDl66OofF5qB0dZhpZcIM/s400/MaytagWasherDryer.jpg" /></a> I am pleased to introduce to you the newest members of our family. I have had enough of doing laundry in the worlds smallest washing machine! I have been so overwhelmed with all of my responsibilities as of late and my laundry never gets done. Several people have told me to check into getting new ones. Well this weekend there were sales and I shopped around and did some research. One store price matched plus beat the competitors price by 10%. I saved $400 each on these. My washer washes around 7 bath towels plus a few little items this one washes between 24-28 bath towels. It will wash a king size comforter. Can you tell I am excited? I will get them on Friday so I will give you a review after I use them a couple of times. TTFN<br /><div> </div><div> </div><div><span style="color:#ff0000;">Review time: </span></div><div><span style="color:#ff0000;">1. I love these new machines!! </span></div><div><span style="color:#ff0000;">2. The washer does hold 3 baskets of clothes like advertised.</span></div><div><span style="color:#ff0000;">3. No it doesn't hold 28 bath towels. I had 14 towels, all of the washclothes and hand towels and a set of twin sheets in one load.</span></div><div><span style="color:#ff0000;">4. It doesn't hold a king size comforter. It does hold my queen sized one nicely though.</span></div><div><span style="color:#ff0000;">5. I cant stand to watch it wash my clothes.( it has a glass lid) I say there is no way my clothes are getting clean with so little water. But they always come out clean and smelling nice.</span></div><div><span style="color:#ff0000;">6. Did I tell you I love these machines? 8o)</span></div>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-7810795645635807792009-10-05T09:55:00.000-07:002009-10-05T10:07:02.638-07:00<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI5fdEvXhZ3XZ1d3cA2haMK3LNXhsc6iikn8ZGAO-kifaNY7bwVtbGAXYsCb7uxtg0XxLWVvbvdi0GPDLWpE5aMWTvxH-mM_seyLQsok5AUAtiUsG6R_-DBlBX4rl0-FMWoFoCq_rHRqQ/s1600-h/Heathers+Birthday.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 336px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5389160980088670178" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI5fdEvXhZ3XZ1d3cA2haMK3LNXhsc6iikn8ZGAO-kifaNY7bwVtbGAXYsCb7uxtg0XxLWVvbvdi0GPDLWpE5aMWTvxH-mM_seyLQsok5AUAtiUsG6R_-DBlBX4rl0-FMWoFoCq_rHRqQ/s400/Heathers+Birthday.JPG" /></a> The whole group<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5QQvZIvTDUemTYMW-jZKLCIIWsMcPJLADc63ejnvzeoZ7-LLB7axWvoxwp16wI_HZVZTOwdgKHrlhI9AsHhRQrVsggZUOQSQetyDk-S3bodzCCKG8_ugIFvY5HWytCD_la22DVw-Xgw4/s1600-h/IMG_4384.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 272px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5389160972827209330" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5QQvZIvTDUemTYMW-jZKLCIIWsMcPJLADc63ejnvzeoZ7-LLB7axWvoxwp16wI_HZVZTOwdgKHrlhI9AsHhRQrVsggZUOQSQetyDk-S3bodzCCKG8_ugIFvY5HWytCD_la22DVw-Xgw4/s400/IMG_4384.JPG" /></a> My good friend Tamra and I<br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBvCAXBCv9DoGuOtGui7JVmFscwRmY-HLeMFBjMqpSirDd0EedrkNlRCjhxvQa8G-8ifwj6_2Aq_k6KC_EHD5gJEvtxvxim0REpYgYzMob5bzCxkfj63a17aymk7EsiZJIJrEd0OQyviM/s1600-h/IMG_4375.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 267px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5389160941069639026" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBvCAXBCv9DoGuOtGui7JVmFscwRmY-HLeMFBjMqpSirDd0EedrkNlRCjhxvQa8G-8ifwj6_2Aq_k6KC_EHD5gJEvtxvxim0REpYgYzMob5bzCxkfj63a17aymk7EsiZJIJrEd0OQyviM/s400/IMG_4375.JPG" /></a><br />I know this is a little late but I wanted to post about the surprise birthday dinner that my friends planned for me. They planned and schemed and got me to the Cheesecake Factory all without me knowing. I guess I am a little naive. We then walked around till 10:00 shopping. It was a fun night with a bunch of great friends. Thanks guys, I love ya!!!!<br /><br /><div></div></div></div>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-58404388192419374092009-09-28T07:36:00.000-07:002009-09-28T08:31:01.170-07:00MissingWher do I begin? The dark hole around here is still here. There are alot of emotions flowing around here and it has been hard as of late. It gets better then its gets bad again. We are are missing Randy so much! Its just not right that he is not here! The kids are missing him something awful. The other night Konnor said" Mom, I wish daddy would come back to our house again". I have found Kade sleeping with the picture of Randy and him. I think its makes me most sad to think of all Randy is missing with with them. Kade has started talking so much. Something Randy never thought he would do .8o) It is just weird without him around here. Its the small things we miss the most now. Putting the kids to bed and the special things he called them. Katie said" I just want to hear him call me Bug again." The way he would chase the kids up the stairs and be up the stairs in 2 giant leaps. I hate going alone to functions. Its not the same without him. My friends help but its not the same. I have the most awesome friends in the whole wide world!!! They keep me going.<br /> Just trying to keep things going around here keeps me busy and I hardly have a spare minute. I need to get the fall decorations out. Just one more thing to do. I am becoming a list person. Something I vowed to never become. LOL Well it another busy Monday so I need to get moving.Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-24513997754401216322009-09-02T15:18:00.000-07:002009-09-02T15:32:49.480-07:00My Megan<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSaovqQImF5va1cvGDp4dA_4reX74w_Ef5BC-h7a4EHMG3v4DCvzBfXnR7ZJPJHXyIvL9Gl0eg5co_-NYoBeSdIKsnSzXf210fzWErVl44pHtabt2mxJeOX5TL26weR5lcvDEfIViW9IQ/s1600-h/100_6972+megan.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 312px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5376998803007853426" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSaovqQImF5va1cvGDp4dA_4reX74w_Ef5BC-h7a4EHMG3v4DCvzBfXnR7ZJPJHXyIvL9Gl0eg5co_-NYoBeSdIKsnSzXf210fzWErVl44pHtabt2mxJeOX5TL26weR5lcvDEfIViW9IQ/s400/100_6972+megan.jpg" /></a> Yesterday my Megan turned 11 years old. She loves her birthday.She actually put balloons on the mailbox so everyone would know it was her birthday. LOL Randy always took the girls on birthday "dates". Well, Randy's dad filled in this year and she chose Chipotle ( her favorite). Grandma bought her donuts for breakfast and enough to share with everyone.8o) She is into horses right now so she got alot of horse stuff for presents. She is joy and I love her very much.<br /><div></div>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-84908740284011434582009-08-18T21:11:00.000-07:002009-08-18T21:24:25.857-07:00<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmcITAwu_uQobNw4ZbywGWX6vEVDZXlBDI5e-hbSLhdJlr965O-wyjPeS_4sTlNd1zlVF31HWwNuoW51r8noWc38NeEdQGV272UI6bI8-ctC5Q2H8JaHHc5UJe8VY3sQAobfv-jBc_jPk/s1600-h/n1205257211_30250327_684uspicnik.com.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 299px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5371522883972845202" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmcITAwu_uQobNw4ZbywGWX6vEVDZXlBDI5e-hbSLhdJlr965O-wyjPeS_4sTlNd1zlVF31HWwNuoW51r8noWc38NeEdQGV272UI6bI8-ctC5Q2H8JaHHc5UJe8VY3sQAobfv-jBc_jPk/s400/n1205257211_30250327_684uspicnik.com.jpg" /></a><br /><div>I am missing Randy alot tonight!I just want to talk to him again. I am not stumbling through my days like a zombie anymore but the black hole still envelops my being. I feel as if I am in the middle of a scary dream that I cant wake up from. The smallest things make me burst into tears. Would somebody please wake me up!!!</div>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-9307495846418122762009-08-12T20:22:00.000-07:002009-08-18T20:51:01.217-07:00In the midst of everything going on around here my baby has turned two. Kade is many things. Super cute, funny, honery, a mess maker, and a great snuggler. Randy was known to say"if he was our first he would've been our last". LOL He is the only one out of four kids that we had to baby proof the house for. He definitely adds spice to our house. I cant believe he is two already. He is very much loved in the Loper house!! <div><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 300px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5369284184785332962" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbf-GOXGNpDJh58rjr-eWX5f7Bk4pjs_NL2TLZ5FDUy9hYcUQ-M0vbxpIVVDuyhNUReyHeJ3rXP0frUY2dpIG0fz_FrtGrP1mQgmftpQWEggTo2q_jnVd4KiDCq9nj_jcIPrtcAFMW-zU/s400/100_6981Kadepicnik.jpg" /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 300px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5369286029209005154" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy3257VXjoBd58vapCdp7YY9NFlNwBAFawqKEkJvv_FFNlE36cpY-czFUx62OP0dhLdrXy34DpdK2uyUoTDgXi4fuJ0PUGr-AvErZg_ZuT0Vvw8x2tfz4-5sm43vqlCJLfO0hwhCwvWBA/s400/100_3466.jpg" /><br /><br /><br /><div></div></div>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-33711797973520278082009-08-11T20:12:00.000-07:002009-08-11T20:57:36.913-07:00EmptyI feel so empty. I drove home from church Sunday night alone. My van felt so empty. My bed is so empty. I have no one to share my deepest thoughts with. Last night I cooked dinner for the kids and I. His chair at the end of the table was so empty. My heart is so empty right now. The only thing that is not empty is my tear ducts. They overflow quite often. I cant seem to stop them these past couple of days.<br /> My boys are missing their daddy so much right now.On the way home from FL a semi truck passed us. Kade started yelling' Daddy" over and over and waving like he thought it was Randy in the truck next to us. Yesterday at lunch he looked at me and said "da da" and held his hands up as if to ask" where is he?" When ever the phone rings he runs to it and says" da da" He loved talking to Randy on the phone. Konnor prays at dinner for his daddy to come back or today while driving down the road asks when he can see his daddy again. It absolutely kills me. I don't have the words to give them. They don't understand. I don't want them to forget their daddy.<br /> My friends and family are the only things holding my head above the grief and misery that I am drowning in right now. I don't know what I would do with out them. At my lowest moment I get a text from them telling me they are thinking about me. They come to my house or invite me over. They don't care if I cry on their shoulder.<br /> It is late my kids are in bed. My problem is I don't want to go to bed. So, I stay up late till I am so tired that I fall into bed and am instantly asleep. The problem is that morning comes way to fast and I have a two year old who knows how to climb out of his crib now. No sleeping in for mommy. Again I am sorry for the ramblings on that you read in this blog. This is one way of getting through this night mare I call life right now. I am reminded daily that life is so fragile so.. Thank God for the breath that you have and tell someone special that you love them.Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140660761278154926.post-18120262581298811412009-08-03T20:10:00.000-07:002009-08-03T21:24:01.655-07:00I am in FL. right now trying to get away from "stuff" and relax. My sister had to finally go home( I think I would have kept her with me forever) and asked me to come with her for a week. I felt bad that my kids didn't get a vacation. I was unprepared for the feelings that I would have. I woke up Saturday morning after only 4 hours of sleep feeling like I was having a heart attack. I couldn't breath and my heart was pounding out of my chest. Just the thought of packing up our stuff and getting in the van to leave put me in a panic. All I could think of was what happened last time we did this. My home is my safe place. I didn't want to leave my house, my friends, or my family. What if something happened again? I hate driving. Randy drove a truck for a living. He drove whenever we went on vacation. What if something happened to me and I didn't have my will made yet? How can I go anywhere without my husband. We only go places together,not alone. I cant go to FL with 4 kids. I was in a total panic! I only decided to go after my good friend Michele J. said she would go with me. I not only had some moral support but someone to help me drive. I would have a piece of my security blanket with me. We finally got here after 21 hours in the van. (split between 2 days) I still feel so weird for being here without Randy. I caught myself wanting to text him on the way down to let him know what we were doing.Then I have to remind myself that he is gone and I cant do that any more. I have such a mixture of emotions. How can I smile or laugh on the outside and be dying on the inside at the same time? People ask me how I am doing. I always answer "okay". If only they knew how I really felt inside.<br /> I went to the beach today. I stood and let the water run over my feet. It was a beautiful day and the water was so warm.I looked down into the water and I kept having thoughts of what Randy must have felt in his last minutes under the water. Why do I do this? Why do I let myself think these thoughts? How can I have fun at a time like this? I am doing this for my kids that is why.<br /> God has blessed me so much in these past 3 weeks. People have been so generous to me. I thank God everyday for this. I have great kids and family and friends that I love dearly. If it wasn't for them I think I might be in my bed rotting right now. Not that I don't feel like it still but they wont let me. Nights are a very bad time for me. It is so late now and I am so tired. I have a hard time making myself go to bed every night. Nights are when we spent the most time together. I miss him so much!<br /> When we get back I will post some happy pictures of the kids for a change okay. They are having fun visiting with their cousins again. I am very tired so I am going to bed now. I am thanking God for my family and friends again tonight.Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09062604426651733932noreply@blogger.com6