Empty

I feel so empty. I drove home from church Sunday night alone. My van felt so empty. My bed is so empty. I have no one to share my deepest thoughts with. Last night I cooked dinner for the kids and I. His chair at the end of the table was so empty. My heart is so empty right now. The only thing that is not empty is my tear ducts. They overflow quite often. I cant seem to stop them these past couple of days.
My boys are missing their daddy so much right now.On the way home from FL a semi truck passed us. Kade started yelling' Daddy" over and over and waving like he thought it was Randy in the truck next to us. Yesterday at lunch he looked at me and said "da da" and held his hands up as if to ask" where is he?" When ever the phone rings he runs to it and says" da da" He loved talking to Randy on the phone. Konnor prays at dinner for his daddy to come back or today while driving down the road asks when he can see his daddy again. It absolutely kills me. I don't have the words to give them. They don't understand. I don't want them to forget their daddy.
My friends and family are the only things holding my head above the grief and misery that I am drowning in right now. I don't know what I would do with out them. At my lowest moment I get a text from them telling me they are thinking about me. They come to my house or invite me over. They don't care if I cry on their shoulder.
It is late my kids are in bed. My problem is I don't want to go to bed. So, I stay up late till I am so tired that I fall into bed and am instantly asleep. The problem is that morning comes way to fast and I have a two year old who knows how to climb out of his crib now. No sleeping in for mommy. Again I am sorry for the ramblings on that you read in this blog. This is one way of getting through this night mare I call life right now. I am reminded daily that life is so fragile so.. Thank God for the breath that you have and tell someone special that you love them.